Wolverine: The Collective Remakes of Awesomeness
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! This is a re-release of my first three comedy themed X-Men fics starring Wolverine. Each story will have new scenes, alternate endings, new chapters, and even a new short at the very end! Seen the originals? These will be worth the read again!
1. Chapter 1

**Story**: Wolverine: The Collective Remakes of Awesomeness  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: May 17th, 2009  
**Genre**: Humor/Adventure  
**Rating**: T (Violence, Language)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Marvel or its awesome clawed berserker.

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**Along with huge error fixes compared to the originals, in this collective you will find**:

**Wolverine's Birthday Party  
**(With Added Dialog & Extended Ending)

**Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub  
**(With New Scenes & Extended Ending)

**Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone  
**(New Chapters)

**New Short: Wolverine vs Sabertooth: Burger Brawl**

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**Wolverine's Birthday Party Part 1 of 2**

**The Night Before**

Professor Xavier and the other X-Men were in the lobby ready to begin preparations for Logan's big birthday bash.

"**Students, to make this celebration the best ever for our friend Wolverine, I will pair all of you with one another and take on separate tasks to see that everything gets done before he gets back tonight,"** Professor Xavier explained.

_"**Oh this outta be good…"**_ Iceman whispers to Cyclops.

_"**Since when did Logan like birthday party anyways?"**_ Jubilee whispers to the others.

"**I don't know, but I hope it doesn't end up like the last one we threw for him…"** Nightcrawler says with a sigh. **"Do you know how long it took me to pull that beer bottle out of my ass after Wolverine got pissy when the piñata didn't drop cigars or booze?"**

"**Ahem!," **Professor Xavier said, getting their attention once again.** Cyclops and Jubilee, you two make the birthday cake. Jean Grey and Beast, you two send out the guest invitations. Iceman and Gambit, you get the party favors. Storm and Nightcrawler, you two will keep a lookout for Wolverine and make sure he doesn't find out about the party. Okay, all of you are dismissed."**

With that said, the students nodded in agreement and set out to carry on with their gropu projects.

**Cyclops and Jubilee: Take 1**

In the kitchen, Cyclops and Jubilee are ready to prepare a large cake for Wolverine.

"**Here's the deal: you hand me the ingredients, and I'll mix them in while I read the directions,"** Cyclops stated. Jubilee nodded and went to the fridge.

"**I'll need two eggs…"**

Jubilee opened the fridge and looks around for some eggs, She eventually found some in the back, but they had gone rotten.

"_**Oh well, It won't hurt…"**_ she thought, grabbing them anyway.

"**A bottle of milk…"**

Jubilee searched high and low for the milk, but couldn't find any.

"_**Damn, no milk…I'll just use some of this stuff then,"**_ she thought, grabbing a brown bottle from the door instead.

"**Two cups of flour, a cup of baking soda and a cup of sugar…"**

Jubilee now went into the cabinets. Inside she saw a bag of white material, but the letters were faded. There wasn't any baking soda either, so she used Alum instead. As for the sugar, they were out too. She grabbed a box of frosted flakes as a substitute.

"**And a dash of oil…"**

"_**Hmm…I wonder what kind of oil he wants…"**_

Jubilee left the kitchen, and returned with a bottle of Wolverine's motorcycle-oil.

With all the ingredients gathered, Cyclops mixed them all together while he continued to read the instructions, not even noticing what Jubilee had given him.

**Jean Gray and Beast: Take 1**

Underground, Beast was working hard on his computer. Jean Gray came inside shortly after and walks up to him. She was carrying a cup of coffee and a floppy disk.

"**I have the list of people we should send invitations too,"** she said, handing Beast the floppy disk.

"**Ah, good. Let me just minimize this info containing the information on our arch villains and open the E-Mail program,"** Beast said, inserting the disk into the computer and typing in the info. **"There, now all we do is wait as the information processes before being sent."**

"**That was easy,"** Jean said, taking a sip from her coffee, but suddenly it slips out of her hand and spills onto the computer's keyboard. **"Oh my, I'm so sorry!"** she said, looking to get something to clean the mess up with.

"**It's no bother. I spill things on this keyboard many times and it hasn't caused any trouble yet. Come, let's get a towel from the hallway."**

The two left the room temporarily, not knowing that the computer began to short circuit.

**Iceman and Gambit**

In the lobby, Gambit was waiting for Iceman to return with the party favors as he sets up the decorations. The door slams open and Iceman walks in with a large box of goodies.

"**Check out what I got! All they had was kiddie stuff, so I went to the smoke-shop and got Wolverine his favorite cigars!"** Iceman said, plopping the box in front of Gambit.

"**Cigars? How did you manage to get these,"** Gambit asked, picking one up, not noticing that he was discharging kinetic energy inside the material.

"**I borrowed your Photo I.D.!"** Iceman responded.

"…**And you weren't questioned by the shop owner?"** Gambit asks

"**Nope, not at all!"** Iceman said with a cheesy smile.

"…**Right…"** Gambit replied, setting the cigar back inside the box. **"C'mon, let's get this finished."**

"**Gotcha!" **Iceman responds._**"Guess I'll tell him later that I froze the shop owner and made off with the goods after he threatened to hand me over to the authorities…" **_he thought to himself.

**Storm and Nightcrawler**

Outside of the mansion, Storm and Nightcrawler are both on the lookout for any signs of Wolverine's impending arrival.

"**Okay, you keep watch in the back, I'll watch the front. Use this walkie-talkie to keep in touch with me if he happens to show up over on your side. I'll do the same if he comes to mine,"** Storm instructs Nightcrawler.

"**Gotcha,"** Nightcrawler said, as he teleported to the back of the mansion.

Just as soon as Nightcrawler re-appeared, he was suddenly ran-over by a large black SUV, while his walkie-talkie was crushed under the tires. Out of the SUV stepped Wolverine, who looked extremely tied and beaten.

"**Damn Sabertooth crushing my motorcycle…glad I decided to steal his new ride…"** Wolverine grumbled, as he got out and went inside through the back.

**Cyclops and Jubilee: Take 2**

Back in the kitchen, Jubilee watches as the cake began to rise in the oven. As the aroma began filling the air, she smelled it, and then became a bit nauseous.

"_**Hmm…smells like that stuff Wolverine drinks…"**_ Jubilee thought.

"**How's it coming along?"** Cyclops asks while getting the icing and candles out.

"**Um…just fine!"** Jubilee lies, giving a really big giveaway-cheesy smile at Cyclops, who once again doesn't notice her flawed part in the baking.

**Jean Gray and Beast: Take 2**

The two entered back into the lab with towels, and cleaned up the mess from the spilled coffee.

"**There, all clean. Now let's check to see if the invitations were all sent,"** Beast said, turning on his monitor. His eyes widened as he gazed at what was on screen now.

"**What is it?"** Jean asks.

"**Oh my…that spilled coffee must had short circuited my computer and crossed both of my programs together…now it seems those invitation were sent out to all of our arch-villains instead…"** Beast said with a very worried look.

**Minutes Later In The Lobby**

Professor Xavier gathers everyone for a quick evaluation before they head to bed.

"**How's the birthday cake?" **the professor asks.

"**Looking good!"** Cyclops said, ah he and Jubilee showed it to them.

"**Have the invitations been sent?" **the professor asks next.

"**Um…you could say that..."** Beast said with uncertainty. Jean Grey nudges him hard to make him fix his attitude.

"**And the decorations seem to be in place," **the professor comments.

"**Yep, and I got something Wolverine will enjoy. It'll be a blast!"** Iceman boasted while Gambit rolled his eyes.

"**Lastly, any word on Wolverine?" **the professor inquires.

"**No, no word on his arrival…but the strangest thing happened…I found Nightcrawler lying out in the back unconscious with tire tracks all over him,"** Storm said, holding the still-dazed Nightcrawler in her arms.

Professor Xavier raises an eyebrow. **"Tire tracks…?"**

**SLAM!!!**

The back doors burst wide open. Everyone turns and stares as Wolverine walks into the lobby, yawning before heading upstairs to bed, not even noticing the decorations or the gathering of people in the lobby for that matter.

Everyone looks at each other not knowing what to say next. Professor Xavier eventually broke the silence.

"**Well then…that was interesting…well, I guess we all can just turn in for the night. Be sure to be up early. The party starts a 11:00 a.m.,"** Professor Xavier said. The others shrugged and headed to bed.

**End of Part 1**

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**Please review! An extended ending will follow in the next chapter. Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wolverine's Birthday Party Part 2 of 2**

**The Day of the Party**

It was 10:45 a.m.

All of the X-Men who took part in setting up the surprise party were already up and about around the Lobby, putting the finishing touches on everything needed before Wolverine woke up himself.

"**Wolverine deserves a celebration like this, after all that he's been through, it is wonderful that the students are returning the favor,"** Professor Xavier comments to Cyclops.

"**Oh I'm sorry, professor, did you say something?"** Cyclops said, turning to Xavier, snapping out of some deep thought.

"**Is something amiss?"** Professor Xavier asks.

"**Yeah…it's the cake we baked for Wolverine…something just doesn't seem right…"** Cyclops stated, staring at the seemingly perfect-looking cake that sat on the table.

"**I wouldn't worry about it, Scott. As long as you and Jubilee paid attention to the recipe and how it was prepared, I see no reason to doubt this fine masterpiece you two have created,"** Professor Xavier reassures.

"**Eheheheh…yeah…"** Jubilee laughs nervously as she walks past the two.

Just then, Storm and Nightcrawler rush into the lobby.

"**Professor! Wolverine is awake already, and he's starting to head downstairs as we speak!"** Storm said.

"**Well, one of you distract him until we are ready. Do whatever it takes to prevent him from coming down into the lobby for at least ten minutes,"** Professor Xavier responds.

"**I'll take care of it,"** Nightcrawler volunteers, teleporting himself out of the lobby.

**Outside Wolverine's Bedroom**

Wolverine had just left his bedroom wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and a tank top, and was on his way downstairs to grab him a cold drink. Before he could reach the stairs, Nightcrawler appeared before him and blocked his path.

"**Outta my way, fuzz-ball,"** Wolverine growled as he attempted to get past Kurt, but Nightcrawler had a better idea.

"**Hate to do this to ya, but…"** Nightcrawler says as he then grabs Wolverine, and teleports himself and Wolverine to another location.

**Behind Xavier's School**

Nightcrawler and Wolverine re-appear high above the surface outside of the building. Not having enough time to realize how high up they were, Nightcrawler lets go of Wolverine, sending him falling down two stories and crash-landing into a dumpster below. Wolverine stands up from the rotting can moments later and looks up at his ally.

"**KURT!!!!"** Wolverine yells angrily at him. Nightcrawler smiles nervously and disappears.

Wolverine growls to himself as he steps out of the dumpster, pulling off a banana peel from his face in the process.

Deciding that while he was already outside at the moment, he heads toward the back driveway to check on the SUV he stole from Sabertooth. When he arrived, he saw that it was being towed away.

"**HEY!!! GET BACK HERE, BUB! MY WALLET'S IN THERE!!!"** Wolverine shouts as he attempted to chase down the tow truck, but decided against it at the last minute.

"**Dammit..."** he grumbles, as he then started to turn and walk back into the mansion, when he was stopped by an overweight police officer who looked liked a real hardass.

"**Excuse me, sir. I'm from the state police department. Last night someone illegally purchased a case of cigars from a local smoke shop. The shop owner has contacted us in terms of an underage customer using a fake I.D. to buy these smokes, and then use his mutant powers to freeze him and make a hasty escape," **the police officer began.

"**Woah woah woah…what?" **Wolverine says, not knowing what the hell this was all about.

"**You heard me correct sir, in fact, we have traced the address of the cardholder to this location. Your name wouldn't happen to be this 'Remmy' character you're posing as, would it?"** the officer questions, tapping his foot.

"**Look bub, I know nothing about this shit. Now piss off!"** Wolverine says to the officer, turning away to continue toward the mansion.

"**Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest under suspicion of purchasing items using an invalid I.D. in which the picture does not match the card holder," **the officer quickly responds, pulling out the handcuffs.

"**Look, pig, first off all, do I look like a minor to you? Second, my name is not Remmy, and lastly, I did not go to no smoke shop last night nor do I lend out my I.D. to minors!"** Wolverine protests.

"**Then can you show me the proper I.D. to verify that you are who you say you are?"** the officer questions.

"**No, because my wallet is in that SUV that was just towed away you jackass!"** Wolverine said, getting more pissed off every second.

"**SUV? You mean you had something to do with that stolen SUV that was just recovered?"** the officer interrogates, getting more suspicious, now puling out his ticket book.

Wolverine was about ready to shred this officer to pieces the longer this conversation went on.

"**That's it, I'm outta here,"** Wolverine turns and called back to the officer, flipping him the bird.

Not even paying attention the officer's warnings anymore, Wolverine heads into the mansion through the back door.

**Kitchen, Back Entrance**

Wolverine yawned and stretched as he enters through kitchen from the back hallway. He went to the fridge and opened it, looking for a tall brown bottle of his favorite alcohol. After not being able to locate it, Wolverine slams the door, spins around, and yells.

"**WHERE THE HELL IS MY GODDAMN BEER?!?!"**

**The Lobby**

Everyone and stopped as they heard Wolverine shout from the kitchen. Jubilee cringed as she realized that she used his beer in making this birthday cake.

"**He's almost here! Everyone, get into your hiding places,"** Professor Xavier instructs everyone. When everyone was in position, Wolverine had just entered the Lobby.

"**SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOLVERINE!"** everyone cheered as they sprung out from their places.

Wolverine stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"**Well, ain't this a surprise…"** Wolverine says as his mood was slowly starting to lighten up slightly from the morning events he already encountered. **"So you threw me a surprise party. Wasn't expecting this."**

"**We even invited all of your old pals too!"** Beast said with an unsure tone as he came and strapped a party hat onto Wolverine's head.

The doorbell then rang seconds later.

"**Um…that must be them right now!"** Jean said as she hesitantly went to the front door and opened it.

"**What in the hell…"** Wolverine said as he stared at the group of people that entered into the mansion.

"**Well well, this should be fun,"** Magneto comments as he, Juggernaut, Sabertooth, Apocalypse, Tusk, Lady Deathstrike, Toad, and Mystique entered into the mansion. Sabertooth stepped in front of the group and advanced toward Wolverine.

"**Time to give the birthday boy his birthday beating for stealing my new SUV!!!"** Sabertooth growls as he was about ready to jump Wolverine, who readied himself by unleashing his claws.

"**Um, Jean, Beast…are you certain this was the right choice of people to invite to this party?"** Professor Xavier whispers to them in sever question.

As the group of villains was ready to crash the party, Iceman slides in front of them.

"**Hey hey!!! Everyone just chill and have some cake!"** Iceman suggests, trying to stop the impending war.

Wolverine retracts his claws.

"**Whatever…I'll kick their asses in a minute. I'm hungry anyways,"** he says, slowly turning around and grabbing him a slice of cake and taking a bite out of it.

"**H-how does it taste?"** Jubilee asks Wolverine, really nervous to the point of almost sweating.

Wolverine's eyes flew open as he spits out the cake.

"**Tastes like old beer, stale eggs and crap!!!"** Wolverine sputters as he sets the cake down.

The doorbell rang again.

"**Now what?!?!"** Wolverine growls as he goes to the door himself and opens it.

It was the same cop from earlier, only he had an entire police unit behind him.

"**Sir, we're taking you downtown by force for resisting arrest,"** the cop says as he and the rest of the officers stormed inside.

Iceman whistles innocently and slowly exits the area as if he had nothing to do with this.

Professor Xavier rolled up to Wolverine.

"**Wolverine, I don't know how all of this could have happened! It was meant to be just a friendly celebration put together by our students here,"** Professor Xavier tries to explain.

"**We'll you guys sure did do a bang-up job of screwing it up! Look, you guys take care of this mess. I'm getting me a cigar and going back to bed,"** Wolverine tells him, walking past everyone while grabbing a cigar from a box next to Gambit, the one that Gambit obliviously charged with his kinetic energy last night.

When Wolverine was out of the room, the sound of him flicking on his lighter could be heard, followed by a loud explosion.

**BLAM!!!!!!**

Wolverine slowly returns to the lobby, his face completely charred black from the exploding cigar.

"…**All of you…have ten seconds to run…before I tear all of our asses up!!!" **Wolverine warns them in a very low and angry tone.

The last thing anyone in the community saw was Wolverine chasing after all of the X-Men and Brotherhood villains in a police car he had stolen, with the rest of the police force close behind his tail in pursuit into the city.

**End of Part 2**

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**Next Story:** Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub

**Stay tune for more awesome Wolverine revamp-ness! Please review too!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub**

**Part 1 of 2: Trial By Tooth & Car**

Tired…

Disgruntled…

Thirsty…

This was not how Logan wanted to spend his morning.

After the fallout during the flawed birthday party the other X-Men put on for him, Wolverine craved the one thing that he knew would make him feel better…

…a cold bottle of beer.

However, he couldn't buy one at the moment, since he left his wallet in an SUV he stole from Sabertooth (Which then got impounded), and Jubilee accidentally used his last bottle of beer in the recipe to make his birthday cake back at the mansion. On top of that, he wouldn't get paid for another 2 weeks.

The only option was to sneak a beer from a small, local country grocery store near the mansion.

Logan walked alone beside the road, licking his lips at the thought of guzzling down his favorite drink. When he arrived at the small grocery mart, he steps in and heads straight for the refrigerated drink section. He looks up and down through each case, but found no signs of beer anywhere.

"**Shit…"** Logan cursed under his breath. **"This place is usually pact full of alcohol in these cases…what the hell is going on?"**

Logan then walks up to the headcounter to complain to the manager. When he got there, nobody was there.

"**Hey, bub! What's with the beer shortage?"** Logan called out to anyone, but got no response. **"Hey! Who the hell works here?"**

At that moment, his archrival Sabertooth rises from behind the counter. He had an intimidating grin spread across his face as he held the last bottle of cold beer in his hands.

"**Here's a nice-cold bottle of beer for ya!** **You want it? You pay for it!"** Sabertooth taunted Logan.

"**Sabertooth!!!"** Logan growled, unleashing his claws in the process. **"What the hell is going on here?"**

"**Seems like the old manager had a…unfortunate accident earlier today. So I'm filling in for him. Got a problem with that, berserker boy?"** Sabertooth explained, teasing Logan by dangling the bottle of beer in front of him. **"There's a new Prohibition Law around here, so almost all of the alcoholic drinks in this store was scrapped, but I saved one last bottle for the next lucky customer."**

Logan growled.** "Yeah, I got a problem with this new rule, and frankly, I don't give a rats ass! I want that beer, now!"**

"**Like I just said, you want it, you buy it,"** Sabertooth repeated.

"**Then I'll just have to pry it out of your hairy little hands!"** Logan said, lunging over the counter to attack Sabertooth, but Sabertooth countered by smacking Logan with the beer bottle, sending him flying across the store and crashing into the freezer case.

"**What's the matter, Berserker –butt? Lack of alcohol clouding your abilities?"** Sabertooth said to him, laughing.

Logan got up and shook his head.

"**Son of a bitch…"** Logan hissed as he attempted to tackle Sabertooth once again, but slips and falls on his face from the floor being wet.

"**Oops, looks like I forgot to put out the 'Wet Floor' sign,"** Sabertooth said, enjoying seeing Logan making a fool out of himself.

Sabertooth hops over the counter and began heading outside of the store.

"**If you want your precious beer, you better come after it, because I'm going for a joyride through the mountains in my new car,"** Sabertooth shouts to him before exiting the door.

Logan sat up and shook his head again.

"**No one, and I mean NO ONE keeps beer from me!"** he grumbles, standing up and heading out to peruse his arch-foe.

**A While Later…**

Sabertooth was in his shiny new car driving through the mountains, waiting for his rival Wolverine to appear. He looked through his rear-view mirror, and saw him.

"**Bingo,"** Sabertooth said with a grin. Logan was running up the mountain road really fast like the T-1000 from Terminator, trying to catch up to the car so he could retrieve his beer.

Sabertooth purposely then sped up to piss off Logan even more. Seconds later, he had lost him.

"**I wonder if that twerp gave up,"** Sabertooth said to himself as he drove around the winding mountain road.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Logan re-appeared several yards down the road from Sabertooth, where he was in the middle of cutting down a large tree with his claws. The large tree then began to fall over onto the road, blocking Sabertooth's path.

"**Whoa shit!!!!"** Sabertooth yelled as he slammed on his breaks. It was too late however, for the car slammed right into the wooden blockade, tossing Sabertooth out from the front window, and onto the ground.

"**Damn that was a cheap tactic,"** Sabertooth said, still holding the unharmed bottle of beer. He then looked up to see an exasperated Logan marching up toward him.

"**Give me the damn beer, bub,"** Logan growled at his arch nemesis.

Sabertooth smiled evilly as he quickly stood up and chucked the bottle of beer over some high brush on the side of the road.

"**Go get it!"** Sabertooth coaxed Logan.

"**Shit!"** Logan shouted as he turned and went to pursue the bottle of beer once more. After cutting his way through the thick mountain brush, Logan finally spots his drink lying near a cliff.

"**Come to daddy,"** Logan said as he slowly crept up to the bottle to snag it.

Out of nowhere, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the bottle, carrying it away from the mountain.

"**No you goddamn bird!!!!"** Logan yells angrily.

"**Aw, too bad. Guess you lose!"** said Sabertooth, walking into the area behind him.

Logan slowly turned toward Sabertooth, fire burring in his eyes.

"**You're dead, bub!"** Logan growls, lunging forward to strike his foe. Sabertooth, however, sidesteps and watches Logan slam his claws into a tree, getting them stuck.

"**Well, see you around!"** Sabertooth said, bidding Logan farewell.

"**Why me…?"** Logan growls, trying to get himself unstuck out of the massive tree.

**Meanwhile At Xavier's Mansion…**

Jubilee is in the kitchen looking for a snack, when Cyclops enters.

"**Say, Jubilee, have you seen Wolverine today? I can't find him anywhere,"** Cyclops asks.

"**Nope, sorry, I haven't seen him since his birthday party,"** she responds, opening up the fridge.

Jubilee goes through the fridge, moving stuff around, when she notices something.

"**Hey, look…there was another bottle of beer here in the fridge…pushed all the way to the back…"** she adds.

"**Hmm…I guess Wolverine didn't see it at all today…"** Cyclops says, scratching his head. **"You know how he is about his alcohol and all, no telling what he'd do if he didn't have one every morning."**

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**Please review! New scenes and an extended ending will follow in the next chapter. Stay tuned!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub**

**Part 2 of 2: Trial By Misfortune & Disappointment**

Back With Our Hero…

Sabertooth was walking alongside the mountain highway, whistling to himself as he made his way back to the small grocery store.

"**Heh, making a fool of Logan made my day,"** Sabertooth chuckled.

Then, out of nowhere, Sabertooth was bludgeoned from behind by a giant tree, which sent him flying down the mountain, landing in a shallow lake below.

"**Take that!"** Logan yelled down to him.

After Sabertooth resurfaced, he looked up and saw that it as Logan who whacked him. However, Logan's claws were still stuck in the tree.

"**Why is this guy even after me at this point? A damn bird took his beer anyways,"** he said to himself, getting out of the water.

Back up the mountain, Logan continued to try to pry his claws out of the tree. Eventually, he was able to get them free. A while later our roaming and constantly jittery hero was holding a shotgun he had stolen off of a hunter he had run into minutes prior.

"**Where is that goddamn bird…"** Wolverine grumbles as he searched the skies above him.

**PLOP!**

Logan froze and slowly turned his head to his shoulder, where a hefty lump of bird crap had landed. He then looked up into the sky and saw it was that same bird that stole his beer that just crapped on him.

"**GET BACK HERE!!!"** Logan yelled furiously as he ran down the road toward the direction the bird flew off to, aiming the gum right at the fowl.

"**Take this!!!"**

**BANG!!!**

Wolverine shot the gun, hitting the hit on the spot, causing it and his bottle of beer to fall from the sky.

"**YES!!!"** Wolverine cheered from his victory.

The happy smile on his face then faded rather quickly when another passing bird who was flying lower to the ground catches the beer bottle and takes off with it.

"**AH MOTHER…!!!!"** Wolverine shouts, burning down the road at high speeds to pursue the new bird now.

**Several Minutes Later…**

Eventually, the chase brought Logan back to Xavier's Mansion. As he entered the mansion's grounds, he nearly tripped over Storm, who was lying on the lawn, sunbathing.

"**Wolverine, what seems to be the problem?"** Storm asked, sitting up and facing Logan.

"**That stupid bird has my bottle of beer!"** Logan said angrily, keeping his sights on the bird.

That's when Logan had a brilliant idea.

"**Storm, use your weather manipulation powers to cast a bolt of lightning at that bird,"** Logan said to Storm.

"**Wolverine, that is not a wise idea…"** Storm started to say, but Logan cut her off.

"**JUST DO IT!!!"** Logan yelled at her.

"**If you insist,"** Storm said, shrugging.** "I call forth the power of thunder and lightning!!!"** Storm proclaimed toward the sky.

Soon after, the storm clouds rolled in, and it soon began to crackle with thunder.

"**Heheh, you're toast, bird!"** Logan said with an evil grin.

**KAZAAP!!!**

A gargantuan lighting bolt shot from the clouds, and did not strike the bird like Logan wanted, but struck him instead, leaving Logan burnt as crisp.

Logan just stood there even more pissed as wisps of smoke emitted from his body.

"**I tried to warn you, Logan. Your adamantium skeleton acted as an easy conductor to the lighting,"** Storm said, rolling her eyes.

Logan was on the verge of crying from frustration, when something suddenly fell out of the sky and landed on his head.

"**Ow…what the…my beer…I finally got my beer!!!!!"** Logan said as he picked up the bottle of booze and began jumping up and down in satisfaction. **"That lighting strike must have scared that bird, forcing it to drop my beer!"**

Without hesitation, Logan popped open the lid and took a swig of the alcoholic drink…

…and spat it out.

"**WHAT THE…THIS IS **_**LITE**_** BEER?!?!?**

**End of Part 2**

* * *

**Next Story:** Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone

**Stay tune for more awesome Wolverine revamp-ness! Please review too!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone**

**Part 1 of 3: The Encounter**

Wolverine was walking through the halls of the X-Mansion, eating a hamburger and minding his own business when he heard a crashing noise near the elevator.

"**The hell?"** Wolverine said, dropping his burger and setting off toward the noise.

When he arrived on the scene, Cyclops was lying on the ground in a daze.

"**What happened, bub?"** Wolverine said, kneeling down next to Scott.

"**It was…Magneto…"** Scott said dizzily, before passing out on the ground with a thud.

"**Damn…"** Wolverine said, clenching his fist. **"Looks like I'll have to take care of this myself."**

Wolverine then went into the elevator and headed straight for the underground lab where the main computer and Cerebral resided. Once out of the elevator, he spotted Magneto trying to escape with something under his arms.

"**Hold it right there, bub! Put that down or feel the pain of my claws,"** Wolverine growled, unleashing his claws.

Magneto turns around and gives Wolverine a smug look.

"**And what pray tell could you ever do to me by your lonesome?"** Magneto questioned, smirking.

"**Let me show you, bucket-head!"** Wolverine growled as he began charging toward him.

"**Too easy…"** Magneto said, raising his hand toward Wolverine.

**CRASH!!!**

Within a split second, Wolverine was seen with his head crashed through the ceiling of the complex, his legs flailing as he tried to get himself unstuck.

Magneto then lowered his hand, making Wolverine crash onto the floor, with a large section of the roof falling on top of him shortly afterwards.

"**How boring. Well, I'll be seeing you,"** Magneto said as he used his magnetic powers to fly himself out of the complex.

Minutes later, Wolverine breaks out of the rubble and shakes his head.

"**Grrrr…damn bucket-head!!! I'll get him for this!!!"** Wolverine said angrily, pulling a lead pipe out of his ass.

Some time later, Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, and the other X-Men were in the control room with Professor Xavier discussing the events regarding Magneto earlier that day.

"**My fellow X-Men, our arch nemeses Magneto, as you know, broke into our underground complex earlier today and made off with several important pieces of equipment. Cyclops and Wolverine tried to stop him, but failed in the end,"** Professor Xavier explained.

"**I swear that damn bucket head will get his ass cut into coleslaw the next time I see him!"** Wolverine growls.

"**That is the very reason why teamwork is needed to defeat Magneto,"** Professor Xavier said.

"**He's right. Myself nor Wolverine shouldn't fight Magneto alone,"** Cyclops commented.

"**Where is Magneto now, Professor?"** Storm asked.

"**According to this monitor, Magneto is on his way back here to the mansion to possibly steal more expensive equipment,"** Professor Xavier commented.

"**Then together we must stop him. Right Wolverine? Wolverine…?"** Cyclops said, looking around.

Wolverine was already gone.

"**You don't think Wolverine went to go face Magneto on his own again, do you?"** Storm asked.

"**We shall find out. I'll turn on the mansion's security camera,"** Professor Xavier said, pressing a button on the giant monitor.

The camera had no audio, but it did show what Wolverine was doing outside.

The X-Men watched as Magneto descended onto the mansion grounds, with Wolverine approaching toward him seconds later. Wolverine seemed to be yelling angrily at Magneto while the villain mockingly laughed at him. Wolverine then unleashed his claws and lunged toward Magneto. Magneto, however, stopped Wolverine in mid-air with his powers while hurling a large metal dumpster straight into Wolverine before leaving.

"**Or…he came to just humiliate Wolverine again…"** Cyclops commented.

Professor Xavier turns off the monitor. Minutes later, Wolverine walks back into the control room covered in garbage.

"**Okay, I give. What's the plan, Chuck?"** Wolverine says to Professor Xavier, pulling a banana peel off of his face.

What will happen next? Will Wolverine get revenge for being humiliated twice in one day?

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**Please review and stay tuned for more!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone**

**Part 2 of 3: Taking Action**

Later that day, Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, and Gambit were in their jet on their way toward Magneto's compound on a small abandoned island outside of the U.S.

"**Okay, here's the plan, team, we infiltrate Magneto's base and spy on him to see why he's been stealing Professor Xavier's equipment,"** Cyclops stated.

"**Easier said then done, bub. We might run into the Brotherhood while we are there…and boy will I be ready to tear them into pieces,"** Wolverine said with a grin.

"**Yes…and just remember, Wolverine, you are not to go near Magneto at all costs or our plan will be ruined,"** Storm reminded Wolverine.

"**There it is,"** Gambit says, pointing out the window, revealing Magneto's island below them.

After the jet had landed, the X-Men stepped outside. All of them were now disguised as Magneto's grunts who worked for him within his island.

"**Okay, Nightcrawler, teleport us inside the complex,"** Cyclops said.

"**Right,"** Nightcrawler says as he joins hands with everyone and teleports everyone inside the complex.

Once inside, they see the hallways bustling with grunts carrying out Magneto's deeds.

"**Okay let's split up everyone. Gather as much information as possible, then meet back here in 30 minutes," **Cyclops says before everyone went his or her separate ways.

Wolverine went down the main hallway of the complex, looking for any signs of Magneto.

"**I don't care what one-eye says, I'm cutting bucket-head's ass into coleslaw"** Wolverine said while walking around the corner into another room.

Inside, he stopped to see Magneto walking toward him, reading a newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. Wolverine growls as Magneto walked near him.

"**Hey, you, grunt! What are you doing standing around? Get to work!"** Magneto demanded.

"_**I'll get to work alright…kicking your ass…"**_ Wolverine mumbled to himself.

"**What was that?"** Magneto said, hearing Wolverine's mumbling. **"You sound familiar…"**

"**Uh…no…you don't know me…"** Wolverine lied.

"**Oh really?"** Magneto says as he uses his magnetic powers to launch Wolverine into the ceiling above him. **"I knew it! All of the outfits my own grunts wear are resistant to my powers. You, Wolverine, along with the other X-men, are now busted."**

"**Shit!"** Wolverine growls to himself, still plastered onto the ceiling.

**Later…**

Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, and Gambit were now prisoners within Magneto's fortress after Wolverine was caught a few hours earlier. All of them were tied up with metal pipes compliments of Magneto.

"**Wolverine…can I ask you one thing?"** Gambit said to Wolverine.

"**What is it, Gumbo?"** Wolverine said to Gambit.

"**Why are you so damn stupid?"** Gambit questioned.

"**Hot-headed is more like it…"** Cyclops added.

"**Shut up, both of ya! I'll get us out of this mess in no time,"** Wolverine responded angrily.

"**Good luck with that, Logan,"** said Magneto, walking into the room. **"Now, with you guys as hostages, Professor Xavier will have to fork over more secret materials from his mansion so I can create the ultimate weapon against the inferior humans."**

"**Hey, bucket-head, why don't you come say that to my face!"** Wolverine taunted Magneto.

"**If you insist,"** Magneto said with a evil grin. He held out his hand and forced Wolverine to bolt forward straight to Magneto, still wrapped in the metal piping. **"So what do you say now?"**

"**I say you just made a big mistake, bub,"** Wolverine said with a cheeky grin.

"**What?!"** Magneto said as he looked up toward the other X-Men, who were all free from his binds.

When he used his powers to bring Wolverine to him, he unknowingly pulled off the bars confining the other X-Men.

"**Whoops…"** Magneto says, gulping.

The sound of blasting, punching, slashing, and whacking could be heard within the room immediately afterwards.

Magneto may be defeated, but the story doesn't end there! Stay tuned for the finale.

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**Please review and stay tuned for more!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wolverine Shouldn't Fight Magneto Alone**

**Part 2 of 2: Relief Denied **

The X-Men had succeeded in defeating Magneto at his compound. Now, they were back at the X-Mansion taking a well-deserved break.

**"Good thinking, Wolverine. Your actions on provoking Magneto at the island helped us defeat him,"** Cyclops said.

**"I guess this redeems you from your earlier mishaps then,"** Storm added.

**"Whatever. All that matters is that bucket-head is in jail. Now, time for me to get a beer,"** Wolverine said, about to leave the room.

Suddenly, the mansion's alarm system began ringing.

**"What now? Who's trying to invade da mansion?"** Gambit said.

All of the X-men approach the monitoring system. They all witness Juggernaut wreaking havoc in front of the mansion.

**"Oh great, Juggernaut's here,"** Nightcrawler said, gulping.

**"It's going to take every X-men in the whole facility to take him down. You guys ready?"** Cyclops asked everyone.

Everyone turned around to see Wolverine already gone.

**"Oh no…you don't think...?"** Storm asks.

The X-Men then see on the monitor Wolverine outside confronting Juggernaut.

All of the X-Men shook their heads in embarrassment and in pity as they watched Wolverine get owned...once again.

After the embarrassing beating, Wolverine stumbles back inside and confronts his team.

"**Okay…before you say anything, I know what you're thinking…"** Wolverine began. **"I need to flank him from above."**

Wolverine leaves the room once again. The X-Men watch as Wolverine attempts to jump Juggernaut from the rooftop, but ends up missing him and lands inside a dumpster instead.

"**Ugh…should we help him?"** Storm asks, arms crossed.

"**Nah...we'll let him be until he begs us for assistance,"** Cyclops says with a cynical grin.

* * *

**Please review and stay tuned for a brand new chapter never before released!**


	8. Chapter 8

**New Story: Wolverine vs Sabertooth: Burger Brawl **

Logan was sitting in a diner not too far from the X-Mansion eating a gargantuan chili jalapeno bacon cheeseburger. Halfway through his meal, he calls out for the waiter.

"**Hey waiter, can I get some more beer?"** he says, not lifting his head up.

Seconds later, a tall, lumbering figure stops next to Logan. Our hero looks up.

It was his arch nemesis, Sabertooth.

"**Here you go, you puny X-Bastard!"**

**CRASH!!!!**

Logan is smashed on top of the head with a bottle of beer, causing our hero to collapse face-first into his plate. He slowly raises his head, his entire burger plastered all over his face.

"**Son of a bitch!!!"** Logan growls angrily as he unsheathes his claws immediately bolted toward Sabertooth.

"**Oh no you don't!"** Sabertooth says, sidestepping the attack, forcing Logan to strip over a barstool and slide across the counter, and stopping headfirst into a cash register. Quickly recovering, Logan takes the cash register and hurls it at Sabertooth, clocking him across the head. This gave our hero enough time to attack the oversized foe.

"**And stay out!!!"** Logan yells as he proceeds to toss the beaten Sabertooth out of the diner's front door.

Walking back inside and catching his breath, Logan sighed.

"**I need a new burger…"** he grumbles staring at the mess sitting before him.

It wasn't long until the real waiter came to him with a fresh new burger.

"**It's on the house for taking care of that mutant,"** the waiter said, setting his food down in front of him.

"**Hey thanks bub, you're alright,"** Logan says with a smile, grabbing the burger and sinking his teeth into it.

Outside the diner, Sabertooth was seen walking away from the diner when…

**KABLAAAAAAAM!**

Sabertooth grins evilly as the entire diner goes up in flames.

"**Hope he likes his burgers…hot,"** he says with a sneer, tucking away a small remote control deep into his fur pocket.

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**The End!**

**That does it for this fic! Please review, and thanks for reading!**


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